A first meeting is not an interview and it is not a ceremony. It is two families trying to find out, politely, whether they would be comfortable with each other for life. A little preparation makes it easier for everyone. If you have only spoken online so far, also read staying safe while searching for a match.
Before the meeting
- Speak on the phone first. A short, friendly call between the parents removes most of the stiffness.
- Agree on a simple setting. Home is traditional; a quiet cafe or a temple courtyard also works for a first conversation.
- Keep the group small. Parents and the candidate are enough the first time. The wider family can come later.
- Share anything important in advance. Health matters, an earlier marriage, plans to live abroad: these should never come as a surprise at the table.
During the meeting
- Let the conversation be ordinary. Talk about work, city, food and family. People show who they are in small talk.
- Give the boy and the girl time to speak to each other on their own, even for twenty minutes. It is their life that is being decided.
- Ask questions, but do not cross-examine. And answer the other family's questions as openly as you would like yours answered.
- Avoid talking about giving and taking. A family that begins with demands is telling you something about itself.
For the boy and the girl
Be yourself, and ask what truly matters to you: where you would live, how each of you sees work after marriage, how you like to spend time, how decisions are made at home. It is perfectly fine to say that you would like to talk once more before deciding.
After the meeting
Take a few days. Then reply, whatever the answer is. A clear and courteous "we feel it may not be the right match" is far kinder than silence, and in a samaj as close as ours, courtesy is remembered.
If the answer is yes from both sides, involve the elders, match the kundlis if that is your custom, and let things move at a pace both families are comfortable with.